When we are parents we desperately try to make things right by guiding our children to be smart. During the process, with or without our knowledge we might hurt their feelings or give them a wrong idea.
Being a mother of a 3 year old full of energy son, i know how hard it is to control the tantrums and demands all the time. What we all do at this kind of situation is shout or be mad with them. The words that we use possess has the power to discourage, depress and destroy. But if you’ve been there you know how frustrating it is to see the little person not doing what you want them to do.
I’ve been researching for a while about how to handle toddler tantrums without hurting their feelings or making them cry even more. So this is what I found.
I often use the phase (I know I do), ” What were you thinking?” when we get angry with them for making a mess or a mistake. But inside their little brain the question transforms in to a different form. Even though we use the exact same words, what it really means is ” Why are you so stupid?” You didn’t know right? Yes, I am in the same boat.
Next one is very common. “How many times have I told you?“. I know,we’ve all been there. We get super mad when they repeat the same mistake over and over again. Here what we really mean is “Can’t you seriously get this right? Why can’t you remember evry single thing I say?“. Well, they are small and they can do mistakes.
I haven’t use this one so far and not planning to use it soon either. 😉 “Why can’t you be like your brother/sister/friend?“. We humans tend to compare each other whenever it’s possible. I have seen mothers comparing their children to their neighbors children, school friends. What you simply mean here is ” You are not good enough“. Ouch! It hurts..
I have taken my son on play dates and of course I often use this one. “She/he is just tired“.Even though I don’t mean it to be like this, what it really mean is “I am okay with my child acting like this“. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to face restaurant tantrums, supermarket tantrums. People do judge you like they haven’t got any children. These phrases come out without us even noticing.
I am sure most mums with teenagers use this a lot. “Clean up your room,OK?“. Well, I’ve been a teenager once. I know how hard it is to clean a room. As parents we should establish some boundaries and getting permission from our children is not one of them.What you really mean here is “If it’s really okay with you, will you obey the commands I am giving you?“. I know right? We never realize that these words have a hidden meaning.
“Do I have to count to three?” Well,well… Sometimes we all do have to count. Don’t we? It’s really difficult to get them kids to do a task in one go. We think that they will get scared when we started counting. This is what that means. “I don’t require you to obey me all the time, just when I get mad enough to count“. How magical does that sounds? it is not my greatest joy to tell you that i use this all the time and never get a result back.
When we want to justify our child we say “It’s just the way he/she is“. This indicates that “Inappropriate behavior is acceptable if it is a regular habit“.I have faced this situation and just to get ourselves out of the embarrassment we use these things.
Well, what’s your score? I think most of us use these phrases when we talk to our children. what everyone should understand is, you cannot be a perfect mother or father but you can be a better one.
Hope this helps you! Happy parenting!!!